Why Half Hope?

Future blog posts will be much shorter than the last one; otherwise this blog will become a full time activity and I was planning to do a few other things, like eat and shower.

If you made it through that first tome and came back for this entry, then, thank you? I’m not entirely sure I want readers, so I’m conflicted about your presence, to be honest.

Housekeeping note – I’ve put a who’s who list here to help you keep track of the people in my life (and to help me keep track of the alias’ I’ve used for everyone).

I thought I’d explain my blog name today.

Naming things is hard. This very simple truth was proven over and over again in my publishing job – the endless conversations and hand-wringing over names! I was probably one of the worst, always convinced there was a perfect name out there for everything, if we just brainstormed enough. For this blog I gave myself ten minutes to decide - set a timer and everything to make sure I didn't spend hours on it.

“Half Hope” explains where I am right now at this weird point in my life. Half of my feelings are in flux all the time – worried, sad, happy, excited, daunted – it changes hourly, but the other half is pretty constantly hopeful about my future.

 Today the non-hopeful half of me is sad.

My family has always had money. We had money and a family name with standing in the community. When my mom was alive, this meant something, it meant we were in a position to help our community, to do good. Since her death, not so much. Moving home makes this apparent and makes me unspeakably sad. Dad and Elizabeth enjoy money; they enjoy the lifestyle, having staff, having the best of everything. I understand that, I do, I just have different priorities and I can see the many better uses for the wealth besides our own comfort and pleasure. Mom was the same way. Moving home makes me miss her in a way that is hard to ignore.