Monday, December 8, 2014

Back When I Dated Charles

Uh, there has been a bit of a flurry in my inbox in relation to my Dec 7 post, demands for an explanation about Charles and I. Yes, I guess that is a surprise to you all!

So, Charles and I did date for about a year.

We’d known each other for ages since our families are friends. The summer before my final year of undergrad he and his dad were at the house, visiting. Totally normal. We got to talking and he asked me out to dinner at a new restaurant. It wasn't until we went to see a band at a club a few days later that I clued in to the fact that he had more than friendly hanging out in mind, which was a new thought to me, to be honest. He’s a nice guy though, and I was single, so we did become a couple. It’s weird to think about it now because he’s my brother-in-law and, it’s just, I don’t know, hard to believe I ever saw him that way.

It was pretty casual dating and I went back to school three weeks after that first dinner date and we hardly saw each other for eight months, so I don’t think anyone would classify it as a serious relationship. I didn't. He tried to visit me at school but I was super stressed out by 4th year and basically requested that he leave me alone until I got through it (I put it more politely than that). After graduation I got my job and moved back to my hometown where he was waiting. He and I went out to dinner soon after I got back and he did this very sweet proposal involving bouquets of roses and dessert with a ring on it and I nearly choked on my drink. It’s like I’m always on a different page from everyone else, or I’m last to get the memo or something. Because there was Charles, proposing, while I was wondering why we were even dating, or if we were even dating given the eight month break in our nine month-long relationship.

Charles had decided that we were the perfect couple. That I would make a great wife because I had a respectable but useless degree so I could hobnob with his lawyer buddies but wouldn't be all ‘career crazy’ myself (he said something to this effect during the proposal). He had told his family about his plans to propose, had asked my dad’s permission; it was a whole thing. Everyone knew.

I kind of ran out of the restaurant half way through his proposal. There’s no good way out of that kind of situation. I had previous experience with accepting a proposal and reneging so I wasn't going to do that again. Saying no in front of a restaurant full of people keen to say ‘awww’ and applaud for us seemed terrible. Running seemed like the best idea. So I ran. And there was crying. And I felt horrible. 

Charles, to his credit, handled it very well. I think he viewed marriage as a business arrangement, so I didn't break his heart; he just started scouting for a new partner. He and I had had plans to go to a concert a week after the proposal debacle and I gave my concert ticket to Mary…. And that is how I got an ex-boyfriend as a brother-in-law.

I was a bit nervous the first time I came to stay with Mary and Charles, thought it might be weird, but it’s fine. I’m not sure I ever really thought of Charles romantically. He happened to ask me out when I was single and lonely and he was nice – the fact that we had no chemistry was chalked up to ‘you can’t have everything’. 

He and Mary are a good match in many ways so it worked out best for everyone!

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