Thursday, December 25, 2014

Merry Thursday

(Lacy's tree)
Christmas has never been a big deal for my family. I mean, we always did all the stuff: the tree, the presents, dinner. But it wasn’t the big hooha that it seems to be in the movies. After mom died, it became sort of automated. Dad hired someone to decorate the house, including the tree. I remember watching the staff decorate the enormous trees every year being so confused as to why Dad would pay someone to do one of the best parts of Christmas for us. His personal assistant does all his shopping (she has good taste and isn’t extravagant, so probably better than if Dad did it, to be honest). Dinner was a catered affair, if it happened at all. After Mary moved out, Dad and Beth preferred to travel somewhere warm for the holidays.

I've never found my place at Christmas. I've tried traveling with them, but it feels empty and dull. I've had a few nice Christmases with Mary and Charles and the Musgroves, but it’s weirdly depressing to be around a functional family at Christmas and see how lovely a holiday it can be, but still be just on the sidelines yourself, just an observer.

All this is to say I have low expectations for Christmas, and kind of dread it in some ways. It’s built up so much as a joyous family time, and when your family doesn't fit that model… it just makes you feel like a weirdo.

This year I’m staying with Lacy and she and I will have our quiet holiday drinking eggnog in our pajamas while we watch bad holiday movies.

I’m quite keen to get past the holidays and get to Bath. When we first came up with the plan, I really didn't want to go to Bath. I know no one will be glad to see me there. At least at the Lodge, I am warmly welcomed, and appreciated for my company, something I don’t get with my own family. Beth has been emailing me sporadically and all she writes about is the social scene - what parties she has been invited to, what gala events, who is there, who is dating who, etc. It’s just so not of interest to me.

One curious bit of information, she has mentioned that Will Elliot has visited them and we are all on friendly terms with him again, apparently. Whatever Will did to offend Dad has been made up and they see quite a lot of him now. I admit that this news has cheered me somewhat - I wouldn't mind meeting him, which is more than I can say for anyone else in Bath, frankly.

Anyway, what changed my mind about Bath? No, not mysterious Will. I came across a model literacy program that I really want to visit and learn from - and it’s in Bath! It’s just the kind of program I have in mind - fun and effective and well organized. I’ve contacted the coordinators and am hoping to start as a volunteer there in January. They get amazing results and I’m very keen to see how they run. Fingers crossed I can connect with them.

Merry Christmas (or whatever other holiday you may enjoy celebrating)!
Alternatively: happy Thursday!

Whatever you are up to today, I hope you are happy and surrounded by those who value you for the extraordinary person you are.

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